I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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