i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
