You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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