I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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