plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize