I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
