tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
