It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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