my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Randomize
