you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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