I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Randomize
