So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Send help, water and tortillas.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
