i was born a porn star she said
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
