I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
