Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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