how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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