sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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