so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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