ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
