What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize
