i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
