Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
