we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
