i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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