So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize