I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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