Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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