life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
