I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
