You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Randomize
