ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
do herpes really smell.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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