My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
