Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
