Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
