Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
