who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
