haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
