this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
being pregnant is like rehab
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
