her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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