put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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