Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
