It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
