Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize