Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
