don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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