how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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