I need help removing her.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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