a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
