I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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