I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
