Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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