youre lurking in front of me
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
