I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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