we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
