I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
