goodnight i made you a song goodbye
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
