peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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