Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
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