I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
