There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
