i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize