yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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